Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The Tenets of Buellerism

- Get along with everyone. Strive to be welcomed by all: the sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads. Be a righteous dude.

- Look out that window. How can you possibly be expected to handle school/work/insert-worry-here on a day like this?

- Your parents are clueless, but they love you. And the key to faking them out is the clammy hands.

- Lay off your brother; he loves you.

- Your sister loves you, but she also knows your full of shit.

- It is no problem whatsoever to always provide ALL pertinent information on any given subject.

- Stay cool. Remember: when the meek get pinched, the bold survive.

- Never condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. Quote John Lennon often, as he knew what he was talking about: he was the Walrus who never had to bum rides off people.

- Never say no to a limo - particularly a nice stretch job with a TV and a bar.

- Distrust authority or anyone that has a problem with a little bending of the rules. Only rules you gotta follow are the ones that keep you out of the police station. Otherwise you’ll end up like Charlie Sheen. Sorry - Charlie Sheen’s CHARACTER.

- Gordie Howe was #9 on the Detroit Red Wings.

- Hide in plain sight. Lip-sync in the face of danger.

- Always park your own car.

- Always lock the garage. And running a car in reverse doesn’t turn the mileage back.

- Take some time for yourself, every once in awhile. At least nine times a year.

- If people don’t like your policies, they can smooch your big ol’ white (or other shade) butt. Pucker up, Buttercup.

- Play only by the rules if you enjoy gym.

- In any zero/zero score game, there’s always a winner: The Bears.

- A fifth grade threat still packs an amazing amount of influence.

- Between grief and nothing, take grief.

- The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. This was akin to something d-o-o economics. “Voodoo” economics.

- You can’t respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn’t work.

- Stay in bed when you’re ill; in your weakened condition, you could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject yourself to further school absences.

- The word “asshole” is French.

- Don’t go to college all wound up so tight, or your roommate will kill you.

- Don’t let the snooty or the snotty stand in the way of a good time. Let ‘em know who you are: Abe Froman - the Sausage King of Chicago.

- Youth will always leave the cheese of the old out in the wind.

- You can never go too far. But if you’re gonna get busted, don’t let it be by a guy like THAT.

- Don’t live your life like you’re in some kind of museum that’s very beautiful and very cold, where you’re not allowed to touch anything.

- Swing, batta.

- Les jeux sont faits!

- Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

BTW, via the genius http://silentbobspeaks.com/

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