Monday, September 25, 2006

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN MELBOURNE WHEN.....

1) You go to a club, search aimlessly for a car spot, and end up paying $7. You get to the line with your group of four, only to hear the words... "Sorry guys, I can only let in three of you".

2) After getting knocked back, people are on their mobile phones, screaming loud enough for the whole line to hear the standard line, "C'mon man, cant you get me in, where's Johhny?"

3) Everyone's a promoter or knows a promoter who can get you in under his/her guestlist, yet you still end up paying the same IF you actually get in!

4) You get into the club only to listen to everyone moan about how "over it" they are and how the crowd sux. Yet they are the same people you run into every week - if you get in.

5) Everyone seems to be going overseas "indefinitely", yet return after 2 months.

6) Everyone's an importer, or trying to become one, or at least knows five people who are importers.

7) Everyone's friend is Melbourne's biggest "COKE" dealer - but of course you can't tell that to anyone and sniffing OMO is better quality.

8) You recklessly spend $300 on a big weekend, mostly on drinks and other"gear", yet b!tch about the cost of parking in St Kilda. "$2 Dollars for an hour...what a waste of money!!!"

9) Everyone is buying a house or saving money to buy one. That, or becoming a Real Estate agent.

10) When you see a friend and say "Hey, we'll catch up soon," but really thinking "Why did I ever hang around with that loser? Now that I am a DJ/Model/promoter/real Estate agent and drug lord, I can have the coolest friends in Melbourne."

11) Every neglected nerd back in high school is now a DJ with a kick ass DJ name compiled of their first name and the letter off their last name.

12) Everyone's a fashion designer with their own angle on fashion, raiding the Brotherhood bin of tshirts cutting the sleeves off and proclaiming it as an original one off designer item.

13) When you head down to Chapel every Friday and Saturday night and you see that guy in the White Valiant Coupe whose arms are so big that he hangs one out of each side's window.

14) Every CD cover in your glove box is cracked in the middle for some "unknown reason", and also the middle of your Melways cover both front and back seems only to get scratched in the middle.

15) You bump into your acquaintance friends week after week at the same quality venues and you all say to each other "I have been having time off, haven't been out for a while."

16) You see "C grade celebrities", ex Big Brother contestants & Reality TV rejects around the clubs:- eg Molly Meldrum, Nick Russian from Temptation Island, Gemma from Big Brother, at every club you go to."

17) You see 6"8 footy players talking to models or ex strippers........... how cliche...... especially @ Motel on a Saturday night.

18) When people say "Where u been snob"??? or "Dont you say hello snob" .............."snob" ........ how very Melbourne.

19) When you ask people how they have been and they answer "busy"........ BUSY IS THE NEW BLACK PEOPLE ..........deal with it.

20) People get knocked back at a door but hover around , yelling loudly for everyone to hear "Come downstairs now and get me in, the door guy is being a d!ckhead."

21) Bouncers and doorb!tches use the phrase "Oh sorry there has been problems with *insert wog promoters name* tonight............. or*insert wog promoters name* hasn't put his guest list in."

*You know you live in Melbourne when everyone can get you quality c0caine priced b/w 200-250 a gram, its pure, great gear, but the catch is always they have to make a "few phone calls" cause its coming down to Melbourne via a few lebos from Sydney.

*You know you are living in Melbourne when you eventually get that gear from Sydney from Mohammed and Co. for the bargain basement price of $300 a gram it ends up being baby powder, glucose, speed, and novacaine. The novacaine makes your face and nose go numb so you profess to all your mates "This is the best sh!t ever."

*You know you are living in Melbourne when you go past Commercial Rd and Chapel Street at midday on a Sunday and see all the scattered punters from Evolution, Market, 161 and Revolver window shopping down the street absolutely offtap. Shopping for clothes, cds, and god knows what else, looking and smelling like last weeks leftovers.

*You know you are living in Melbourne when you overhear guys from your gym talking about the fact they are training for Summadayze......................

2 comments:

joe.louis said...

Everyone seems to be going overseas "indefinitely", yet return after 2 months

word!

BigMemph said...

number 11 is so fucking on point it makes me laugh every time!